she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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