he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
