bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize