well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I AM VODKA MAN
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
