I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
