I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
