matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
