Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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