I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
