It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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