make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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