dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
