Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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