Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
