when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
