Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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