pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
me + whiskey = a bad person
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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