before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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