I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
