So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
