Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
