i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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