im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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