Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
