Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
