Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
