so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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