foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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