True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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