The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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