I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
