I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
