the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
