you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
