it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
