I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
