So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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