I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
