Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
