At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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