I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
