a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
did i walk over a car last night?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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