You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
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I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
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Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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