I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
