i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
