Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
