i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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