Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
