Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You smell like a Billy Joel song
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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