I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
