Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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