If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You are the jesus of drinking
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
