I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
