I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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