My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
