Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
