I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
