the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
