you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
