Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I don't want my vagina anymore.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
