There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
