One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
