My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I would fuck him just for his dog
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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