omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize