I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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