U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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