I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Randomize
