In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
