He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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