We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
