He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
