ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
