I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Drunk is not a location!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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